


Hidden agenda

by waywardimpalawriter



Category: Castiel - Fandom, Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Hurt, Leaving, Minor Violence, Regret, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29047092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardimpalawriter/pseuds/waywardimpalawriter
Summary: You've got something to hide from Castiel, though it pains you to do so.
Relationships: Castiel x Y/N, Castiel x You, castiel x reader
Kudos: 9





	Hidden agenda

Pairing: Human!Castiel x Reader 

Rating: PG 

Warnings: anger, angst, verbal fighting, 

Word count: 3,295 

Note: Requested by @justmasblack a while ago, sadly I had problems with things in life and writing fell behind. That being said I’m now getting around to finishing up requests and hopefully other stories as well. This inspiration from the song ‘No Lights’ by Florence and The Machines. Enjoy doll. 

“Listen buddy, um,” eyes darting everywhere but Castiel’s, not wanting him to see the truth. “You can’t stay.” 

Those are the words you walk in on, words that send a dagger through your heart not only for yourself but for Castiel as the look on his face speaks volumes. An array of emotions, from anger to disappointment and betrayal to the greatest being hurt all flit across his features. It makes your heartache and anger to ignite in your veins, combine that with an itch to punch Dean in his face for sending his best friend away. 

Taking two more steps forward you’re able to hear what Castiel says, “What do you mean I can’t stay?” 

Running a hand through his thick brown hair tugging on the strands in frustration, “You’ll be putting us in danger Cas. The angels their all looking for you and with Sam still recovering…” 

He leaves the rest hanging and though you don’t know if he’s actually looking at Castiel you suspect he’s not making eye contact as he normally would. You suspect there could be more to his reasoning and only part of it has to do with Sam. 

You go to step forward when Castiel speaks, rough and full of pain his voice cracks slightly, “I understand Dean, Sam’s family, and he’s still recovering, I’ll be going then.” 

Giving Dean one last look, Castiel spy’s you standing in the archway coming from the library, giving you a sharp nod as well before heading for the stairs. It’s unusual to have him walk away instead of just fly in a swish of trench coat and wings. Partly disturbing that the once powerful angel has been reduced to a normal human. This makes anger surge hotter, especially when the door slams, the ringing echoing through the bunker and your body with a finality you never wanted to hear. 

“What the hell is your problem Winchester? Why would you send Cas out to face such uncertainty and the possibility of death? He’s never been human before this isn’t something he should be facing alone,” anger tinging your voice as you step forward to confront the eldest Winchester. 

Pivoting on his booted feet a deep glare marring his handsome features, “You think I wanted to do that, to send him out into a world he barely understands?” 

“That’s what it sounded like to me.” A sneer twisting your features, “You all but tossed him out the front door yourself. With no regard for what could happen to him.” Stepping down so that you’ve come face to face with Dean, arms crossed over your chest a glare showing the disapproval. 

Shaking his head, Dean slumps back against the war table, “I have no choice Y/N it’s either dump Cas out like yesterday’s trash or loose Sam.” 

“Sam wouldn’t just up and…” realization smacks you in the face like an unexpected branch while running, deflating some of your anger. “Ezekiel threatened to leave didn’t he and let Sam die?” One sharp nod and you’ve come to lean next to Dean against the table. Knowing without words how hard this position is for him and what he’s gone through to make sure Sam heals. 

You are the hole in my head 

You are the space in my bed 

You are the silence in between 

What I thought and what I said 

You are the night-time fear 

You are the morning when it's clear 

When it's over you'll start 

Running a hand through already ruffled hair making it spike, “How can I not protect Sam when it’s my fault he’s in this mess. On the other hand, I’ve signed Cas’s death certificate,” pulling the stands Dean turns his back. Frustration courses through his veins making him itch to punch something. 

“I’ll go find him, help acclimate him to being human,” the very words shock you. Not that you don’t care for Castiel in fact if you were truthful… Shaking your head you push those thoughts aside, you were doing this to ensure his safety and wellbeing. “I promise to look after him, Dean.” 

Turning, “You sure about that? You’ll be painting a target on your ass the size of Texas.” 

“Nothing I haven’t been through before," a deep sigh leaving parched lips. "Been hunting since I could walk, made a few enemies that way. Wiley Coyote chasing the Road Running," giving a half smirk, "just a friendly game of tag that’s all.” 

Harsh snort leaving his lips, “I think you got that twisted sister,” shaking his head, Dean rests a hand on your shoulder. “Be careful and keep the two of you safe.” 

Smirking, “Now why would I go and do stupid a thing like getting us killed or captured?” slim brow lifting, you turn to head back the way you came. 

“All the same don’t let your mouth over load your ass Y/N,” calling after you, before slumping back against the table worried for the both of you warring with everything else already clouding his mind. 

You're my head, you're my heart 

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes 

I never knew daylight could be so violent 

A revelation in the light of day 

You can't choose what stays and what fades away 

And I'd do anything to make you stay 

No light, no light 

(No light) 

Having left without cleaning up or changing clothes you tossed your stuff into the passenger seat of your Ford Rancho, got in, turned the key and gunned the engine. Wanting to catch up with Castiel before he got too far or worse into trouble and your promise to Dean would be null in void before getting off the ground. Though you reasoned being on foot he may have gotten a mile, two at most. What you hadn’t counted on was the ride he hitched not far from the bunker. 

Exasperated you’re just about ready to give up driving around Lebanon looking when you catch a flash of something. A fight and by the looks a pretty nasty one with the guy on the ground getting the crap beating out of them. You pull over, jumping out to run over, getting the shock of your life when you see Castiel on the ground curled in a ball. 

Muscles react, hand goes to the angel blade in the small of your back hidden by your jacket, and ready yourself for a fight you may lose, “Hey assface why don’t you pick on someone who can fight back?” 

“Not your fight human just run away while you can still breathe,” tall and blonde, his nasally voice already getting on your nerves. 

“Pff,” flipping the blade a sneer on your face, “And why don’t you come over here and meet Mr. Pointy, he’s really looking forward to sticking it to ya.” 

Lunging forward his own blade glinted in the low light, trying to take a swipe at you but missing as you’ve side stepped the angel. Who by the looks of things is still trying to use to his new body, “Ah what’s the matter fluffy haven’t got the balance to keep up?” 

“Shut up mud monkey,” words gritted out between clinched teeth, eyes quickly assessing the scenario. Taking a few quick steps seeing that you drop your left side. An entry point he takes advantage of by landing a right hook to the side of your face. Having you stagger backwards at the power, “Not too cocky now are you human?” smirk drifting over his lips. 

Catching yourself, tasting blood from the broke lip, you gather the coppery substance and spit it out right at his feet. “Nothing I haven’t felt before fluffy beside that punch was weak my grandmother could hit harder than that.” 

No words, just lashing out throwing punches and slashed between the two of you. You’ve landed a few good ones to his chest, and side with cuts to his face angel grace flashing low with the cuts. While he’s managed to figure out your fighting style, inflicting a number of blows that have you staggering backwards and bumping into Castiel. Holding his bleeding side with one arm and trying to help balance you with the other. 

“How sweet trying to help your girlfriend Castiel?” shaking his head in disgust a sneer crossing his angelic face. “Trading all of Heaven for these mud monkeys? You’re pathetic Castiel truly a disgrace to your angel wings.” 

From your periphery, seeing the hurt and shame make his expressive blue eyes dim, and your blood to boil at the audacity of this piece of shit. Gently pushing away from his warm embrace, flipping the angel blade in your hand once more so that the blade is cocked to the side. Fire dancing in your eyes along with a healthy dose of hate for this piece of shit, “If anyone is truly pathetic it’s you. For following orders and not asking questions.” Taking a step forward new strength filling your veins at the memory of Castiel’s face. “You who think you’re so superior to us humans. But let me tell you one thing assbutt, Castiel has more heart and courage in his little pinkie than you have in your whole body.” 

This time the angel snorts, hands out waving them carefully in front of him waiting for the next attack to come. Almost growing bored with the whole encounter. “Are you gonna talk me to…” before he could finish the words you start to attack. 

Aiming your blade for his chest you throw it with all your might, only to have it deflected by his own blade. The act just the opening you needed to get a running start using his bent knee as a step to vault you up and around his shoulders. Arms wrapped around his neck to cut off air and put pressure to his throat. The two of you flailing in circles, he tries to stab at your arms and legs a few times. Getting a hit in a time or two, but his world is starting to go black, his senses unaware of the fact that Castiel has joined the fight. 

Not wanting to lose you to this piece of shit you’ve taken upon yourself to defend him from, Castiel moves quickly as his injures will allow him. Picking up the discarded angel blade he moves forward, careful of the swinging weapon in the other angel’s hand. Castiel gets close enough hesitating for a fraction of a second, at killing one of his brothers. However, that thought flew out, especially when he notices that the angel has the opening, he needs to disengage you from around his shoulders and in the process ending your life. 

Rage like he’s never felt before courses through his veins, his aim never wavers as it lands, sinking deep into the angel’s chest. Blood curdling scream leaves his lips, bright bluish white light enveloping them all, his body disintegrating under you, a yelp of surprise added to the noise. Feeling your body dropping, preparing yourself for the pain that would come. Eyes screwed closed but pop open when warm arms and chest catch you. Staggering a few steps, to almost dropping you, but managing to hang onto the most precious being in the world to him. 

A surprised gasp leaves your lips when you land in his arms, your own go to wrap around his neck, eyes meeting the bright blues of his. You have to resist the urge to lean in to kiss him only helped by the wounds on your side as a hiss leaves you lips. 

“Your damaged Y/N?” it’s both a conformation and question that has him gently moving towards the bench to set you down. Looking over your body and cursing his inability to heal you, while seeing the cuts adoring your face and sides. He flinches at the soft feel of callused fingers bringing his chin up to look you in the eyes. 

“Nothing I haven’t dealt with before Cas I promise I’ll be fine,” eyes soft as you take in his own injuries. “We just gotta get back to my car and to a motel room to get cleaned up.” 

Tell me what you want me to say 

But would you leave me  
If I told you what I've done  
And would you leave me  
If I told you what I've become 

'Cause it's so easy  
To say it to a crowd  
But it's so hard, my love  
To say it to you out loud 

You go to stand with help from Cas, the two of you holding on to each other and limping back to your car. Once in the driver seat a small sigh of relief leaves your lips, and you glance over at Castiel who’s got one arm wrapped around his chest where a gash seeps a thin line of blood through his shirt. 

“Don’t,” gravelly and deep, though he doesn’t turn to look at you, just stares out the windshield. 

Putting the car in drive, you pull away from the curb, “Don’t what Cas?” 

Broken sigh leaves his lips though he still stares out the window, “Look at me that way Y/N, with pity in your eyes.” 

Shock doesn’t even begin to tap into what you feel at his words. Surely he doesn’t think… “Castiel I don’t pity you. I’m worried and not understanding why you left the bunker.” Biting your bottom lip knowing that last part is a lie that tastes bitter on your tongue. 

“Dean asked me to leave, it’s wasn’t my choice Y/N,” this time he turns to look at your profile hidden except for the times when they pass under a streetlight. “Did you know?” 

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes  
I never knew daylight could be so violent  
A revelation in the light of day  
You can't choose what stays and what fades away 

And I'd do anything to make you stay  
No light, no light 

Tell me what you want me to say 

Rolling to a stop at the light, glancing over at Castiel his bright blue eyes searing into yours, making it very hard not to tell him the truth. “No, I didn’t know Cas.” Those five simple words bitter in your mouth, breaking your heart for the man beside and for yourself. “I only walked in on the last part of your conversation. Dean told me what happen and I left to find out to find you.” 

Nodding solemnly, turning his eyes back on the road missing the hurt in your own. He’s unsure if he believes you but for now, “Thank you.” 

“For what?” biting your bottom lip to keep the small sob of regret from leaving your chapped lips. 

“Saving me back there,” his answer short and clipped while you pull the car into a parking spot. 

Nodding though you know he can’t see as the interior is too dark, “Stay here I’ll get us a room.” 

Watching you go, Castiel’s eyes drop to the cell phone on the dash. A text message from Dean flashing on the small screen that he can’t help but read. 

Text: Have you found him? 

Are y’all safe? 

Fucking hell Y/N answer me. 

The screen goes black as Castiel’s thoughts swirl in his head. Caught between picking the phone up to answer and just leave things alone. The answer comes with the next text message. 

Text: You’re right Y/N I shouldn’t have made him leave. But I can’t lose Sam. Tell him…. 

Three dots blink for a moment as if Dean’s trying to figure out what to say next. 

Text: Keep him safe and don’t let him know 

The revelation hits him hard and he scrambles to get out of the car just as you come back from getting the motel key. 

“Cas where are you going? I need to patch you up,” confusion coloring your eyes as you look him over. Gut dropping as to what has him acting this way. “What happened?” 

“You tell me Y/N? What does Dean not want you to tell me?” eyes boring into yours making you flinch and turn away. 

Running a shaking blooded hand through your hair, “It’s complicated Cas but I can’t tell you.” 

You want a revelation  
You want to get it right  
But, it's a conversation  
I just can't have tonight 

“Secrets never get you anywhere Y/N you know this. Sam and Dean know this so why the lies? Why keep this from me?” taking a step towards you wanting answers but also wanting to hold you. How could two conflicting emotions be warring inside his mind. 

Moving towards the car to pull out your bags, “Not here,” motioning towards the room you’re rented for the night. Hoping that Castiel will follow and not just disappear. 

Entering, you drop you bags on the bed as Castiel follows, standing as a status by the now closed door. “We’re in, talk.” 

Sighing, you turn to face him arms crossing over your chest. Eyes catching the blooded shirt, “Take your shirt off and let me bandage you up first.” 

“No,” firm and harsh Castiel stalks forward and grabs your arm as you’ve turned to rummage through your medical bag. The forcefulness in his tone and grip has you gasping. 

You want a revelation  
Some kind of resolution  
You want a revelation 

Pulling your arm free from his tight grasp, “I can’t tell you Castiel, its not my place plus I promise Dean,” seeing the pain, sadness that etches its way across Castiel’s features breaks your heart even more this time. Since you’re the one hurting him, something you promised you’d never do. Not to the man you love. 

Shaking his head, “That angel was right I am pathetic for choosing humanity, for choosing…” he bites the last words off turning from you. From Dean, he could stomach the secrets and betrayals but from you that damn near killed him. 

“Cas…” you step towards the injured angel now human wanting to try and make things right. “Tell me what you want me to say?” 

Turning back, eyes catching yours, “The truth Y/N, I want you to tell me the truth.” 

“I can’t.” 

“I didn’t think you would. Goodbye Y/N,” starting for the door he doesn’t see you follow him till your hand grasps his. Thumb brushing over the back of his warm callused hand. 

Wordlessly you try to tug him back inside, “Please,” you whisper, tears clogging your voice. Trapped between loyalty to Dean and your love for Castiel. “Stay, let me take care of you and we can do this together.” 

“No not when I can’t trust you won’t hold other things a secret from me. Unless,” he pivots back pulling his hand free from yours. The warmth and tenderness getting too much for him to bare. “Tell me the truth Y/N and I’ll stay.” 

Anguish flows through your veins, eyes down casting, arms wrapping around your body once more. “You want a revelation, a conversation I can’t have Castiel. Not tonight,” looking up at him pleading eyes dripping with tears. “Stay.” 

No answer comes it's almost like he has his angel powers back and he’s just flew away. But you know that’s not the case. No, this time Castiel walks out, quicker than you thought he could in his condition. That revelation destroys you. Legs weaken so that you drop to the musty carpeted floor. Sobs wrack your frame as you curl into a ball, cursing yourself for letting this happen. For letting him walk away. 

You want a revelation  
You want to get it right  
But, it's a conversation  
I just can't have tonight  
You want a revelation  
Some kind of resolution  
Tell me what you want me to say


End file.
